


But you were always on my mind

by elareine



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Dyslexia, M/M, Miscommunication, Multi, Polyamory, Secret Relationship, Secrets, Sibling Incest, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-13
Updated: 2015-09-13
Packaged: 2018-04-20 15:30:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4792754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elareine/pseuds/elareine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just once, when the trade to Dallas is announced, Tyler forgets to give a shit and asks Brownie if he can read it. Maybe that’ll cheer him up in fucking Texas, he thinks, but Brownie just stares. “Never seen those kinda letters before, dude. Like, that’s not even an alphabet that exists, I bet.”</p>
<p>Then he seems to remember that this is Tyler’s soulmark they’re talking about. “Sorry, man. I have no idea. Sucks.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	But you were always on my mind

**Author's Note:**

  * For [heeroluva](https://archiveofourown.org/users/heeroluva/gifts).



> Dear heeroluva, I very much hope you enjoy your gift. If anyone had told me I’d be writing about these three a year ago, I’d have laughed, so thank you very much for your detailed list of ideas and preferences! This wasn’t even what we were matched for, but hey, I enjoyed the ride. I hope you do, too. 
> 
> As always, my eternal thanks goes to my amazing beta prettylittlepliers, who had to endure my grammar and my whining. Many thanks also to reveetoile, who came up with the idea despite knowing none of the people involved and then checked for accuracy. 
> 
> Additional warnings: Incest, some ableist language, detailed mentions of sex and alcohol consumption (not at the same time), light bullying, self-confidence issues, description of a panic attack. Please take everything Tyler thinks or says about himself with a grain of salt. I’ve tried to remove the dub-con elements inherent to soulbonds as much as possible, but be warned.

C-A-R.

“Car.”

Tyler is staring down at the letters, trying to concentrate. It doesn’t make sense. The writing in front of him and the sounds the others are making don’t seem to be connected at all.

His teacher comes to stand next to him and watches him squint for a minute before suggesting, “Maybe you should ask your parents to take you to the optician - the eye-doctor, Tyler? You seem to be struggling to see.”

He nods. He would hate wearing glasses, but if it helps with this…

~~~

He has perfect vision, the doctor tells him.

~~~

The other kids are starting to read sentences. “T-H-E C-A-R I-S R-E-D.” Increasingly it’s becoming “The C-A-R is R-E-D.” Tyler is still struggling with sounding out the first word.

His mother doesn’t know what to do, just looks disappointed when he can’t show off in front of her friends. His father is trying, practicing with him every evening, but even he’s increasingly becoming impatient. Eventually,  they just accept that their son isn't very good at academics and allow him to focus on athletics.

His teacher tells him to try harder.

~~~

By the age of thirteen he knows that having friends is vital. He’s got a few buddies that have known him since elementary school and are willing to help him out in class without too much teasing. Technology helps, too - spellcheck is Tyler’s personal miracle.

Still, his grades are abysmal.

“I don’t know what to tell you, Tyler,” his English teacher says as she hands back his essay. “Your paragraphs don’t make sense. Worse, even your sentences sometimes don’t make sense."

His classmates snicker. He looks down at his grade. It’s in green ink. He passed.

His teacher sighs. “If you weren’t such a good athlete… Try harder, Tyler.”

~~~

On the morning of June 24, 2007, he wakes up at five am. He’s got a morning skate to get to before classes start, and he wants to hit the gym first. It’s not just the edge his strength training gives him on the ice; he likes the way it’s shaping his body into something better than ordinary. He’s got muscles now, biceps and pecs and washboard abs. He’s not blind to the admiring looks he’s getting these days.

And why shouldn’t he enjoy it, he thinks, grinning as he sits up to jump out of bed, after all, he’s working hard for this, getting up early and putting in the hours just as other guys invest time into homework, and if the way his muscles ripple as he stretches his arms in front of him pleases him, so what  - there's something on his right wrist.

He looks more closely. There are black, squiggly lines on his skin, and he has no idea what they mean. Maybe it’s an abstract painting, he tries to convince himself while his other hand traces the smooth lines.

But he cannot imagine a single universe in which he and his soulmate would be connected through an abstract painting.

They are words, he realizes (lets himself realize), five clusters of black lines. And he cannot read them. There is not a single sound connected to these words. Normally, he can read things out loud slowly, but he can’t with these letters. They might be in a different script, like Arabic or Chinese or Cyrillic, but Tyler can’t really convince himself that that’s the case.

He has been hoping so damned much to get something with colours, maybe, something bright and happy or muted and soothing, or a map or a piece of music - but no, apparently, he’s not meant to read even his own soulmark. Maybe, he thinks, that’s a hint in itself.

Then he closes his left hand around his wrist and goes to sneak into Candace’s room. She’ll have something to cover it up with. He needs to get to the gym.

~~~

Moving in with Tyler Brown is probably the thing that saves his professional career, but that doesn’t stop Tyler from almost shitting his pants when Brownie starts reading out their shared shopping lists in the car before they go for groceries. Tyler knows normal people don’t need that. They don’t need the frequent reminders of what’s missing in the cart, either. He sees them all the time, checking off things on a piece of paper or, ever more frequently these days, their mobile phones.

So Brownie knows or suspects that Tyler can’t read. But weirdly, he doesn’t seem to want to confront Tyler about it. Instead, he just helps out in the little ways - thanks to him, Tyler now knows what’s in the contracts he’s signing. Of course, that knowledge often comes after he’s done the signing, but still. It’s a bit awkward, the first time - Tyler just drops down next to Brownie on the couch and tries to sound casual when he asks, “Hey, so there were some parts I wasn’t sure about in here.”

Brownie shrugs. “Legal English will do people in, every time. Here, let someone with a brain try to translate.” He grabs the document. “Ok, so it basically starts by saying that you are obligated to start in September, and woe is you if you aren’t there on time... “

Tyler leans back and listens intently, trying to memorize the rules, and tries not to think about how he’s pretty sure Brownie is so happy to help him because for once it makes him better at something than Tyler.

~~~

After Tyler signs up with the Bruins, Brownie introduces Tyler to some dudes that are “social media gurus, seriously, we’re on our way up”. After a few beers, it sounds like a great idea to let them run a twitter account in his name. That’s what pro players do, right? He shouldn’t let his team down. Sometimes he misses invitations or important emails, but he’s trying so hard, and this will help.

The Bruins basically gave away _Phil Kessel_ for him, there’s no way he’ll let everybody and their mother know that their first round draft pick is too stupid to read.

~~~

Just once, when the trade to Dallas is announced, Tyler forgets to give a shit and asks Brownie if he can read his soulmark. Maybe that’ll cheer him up in fucking Texas, he thinks, but Brownie just stares. “Never seen those kinda letters before, dude. Like, that’s not even an alphabet that exists, I bet.”

Then he seems to remember that this is Tyler’s soulmark they’re talking about. “Sorry, man. I have no idea. Sucks.”

Tyler just shrugs. “I’m not counting on it, anyway.” Soulbonds could be an advantage, sure, telepathic links and all, but the whole soulmark business was seriously sketchy. Tyler knew at least two people who had bonds with people who their soulmarks didn’t correspond with, not to mention all the people who decided against a soulbond, or who just never got close enough to their soulmate for one to grow, or who had soulmarks that went against conventional wisdom, like same-sex or incestous couplings or those with a great age difference.

Brownie slaps him on the back. “Maybe he’s a modern artist. In… Texas. So I guess part-time cowboy.”

Tyler snorts and raises his bottle of beer to that. “To the artists, the cowboys and the queers!”

~~~

He hears about the tweets from his agent, and it’s not put to him in nice terms. Once he finally gets out of him what he/the “social media experts” apparently tweeted, he can’t even feel done wrong by. It’s too close to what he was thinking, that evening after the party. And what is he gonna do, tell people he couldn’t have tweeted that because his spelling is too bad even for twitter?

It reminds him, though, that he needs to be more careful about disclosing his sexuality. He doesn’t know what would be worse, to be known as stupid or as gay, but right now there is a third option. Being an asshole is much more accepted in hockey.

He’ll have to make up for it in Dallas, though. Be better. Pick up less guys. Get better at pretending ( _and don’t try to think about how it’s going to be harder without Brownie, Tyler_ ). Try harder.

~~~

Funnily enough, Dallas manages to make a great impression right off the bat. Okay, the landscape isn’t what he’s used too, and the temperatures promise a nice tan and miserable morning runs.

But where Boston had left him to find an apartment, Dallas hired a realtor to show him around town and make him a few proposals. She even discusses the different rental conditions with him, warning him of legal loopholes in the contract of the flat he likes most. It’s pretty clear she’s used to handling people that live far away from the reality of business and tricky rentals, but he couldn’t give less of a fuck for her reasons when she explains every single paragraph of the contract to him.

The first things he unpacks in his new apartment are his laptop and scanner. It takes a few minutes to get all the paperwork digitalized, but Tyler has memorized the routine by now. Then the text-to-voice program is reading everything he’s signed today out loud to him.

As he listens, Tyler looks around. The apartment is spacious enough for him to get his dog, and it has a decent kitchen. Okay, the deer head is a bit creepy. But the realtor has mentioned other players living in the same building. It would help him stay in the loop and make meeting others so much quicker, he calculates. Tyler isn’t used to being alone for long, and he isn’t planning on starting that habit now.

The contracts sound okay. Nothing Tyler thinks will trip him up. There isn’t even anything specific to him added to the usual “damage the team image and we’ll have your hide” clauses. He’s touched by their trust.

Just as the recording finishes, the doorbell rings. Good timing, Tyler thinks, and goes to open the door.

~~~ 

“Wow, that’s hot,” is, in hindsight, maybe not the most normal reaction when walking into two of your very much related teammates having sex. But, well.

Jordie is lying on his back (and wow, that isn’t what Tyler has expected - not that he thought about this, or anything). Jamie was clearly crouched over him before Tyler interrupted, but he’s bringing some distance between himself and his brother now. Their cocks are still rubbing against each other, though, and Tyler stares for a long moment before he remembers that he probably shouldn’t do that. In fact, he probably should have left already, possibly babbling apologies and promises not to tell anyone. This was probably not what they had in mind when they gave him the key to their flat and told him to come over any time.

He looks up and catches a slowly blossoming grin on Jordie’s face. Jamie is still looking bright red, so Tyler hastens to say, “Uh, sorry, I won’t tell.”

But he’s still not moving.

Jordie drawls, “Weeeell, that’s good to know, but Jamie here was just promising to drive me out of my mind when you interrupted. How are you going to make it up to me?”

Tyler blinks. In his experience, that phrasing is an invitation to sex. But- He looks to Jamie. His captain will tell him.

Jamie is looking back steadily, the redness slowly fading. He looks confident again, his hips slowly rocking into his brother's.

Tyler shrugs. “I can deepthroat?”

~~~

Jordie rolls over and slings an arm across Tyler’s stomach. Tyler is on his back; he doesn’t think he could handle lying on his stomach right now, his nipples are throbbing too much. Usually his bed partners ignore that part of his anatomy or think his sensitivity is funny. Not the Benns, oh no. They decided that hey, two mouths, two nipples, some pinching equal a Tyler that’s driven out of his mind, which is apparently fun. Tyler is starting to suspect that Jamie spent the time in his teenage years that he was supposed to work on his skating learning how to be a sex god. Possibly practicing with Jordie, who was probably born with the skills. Hmmm, now that’s a thought.

“Earth to Tyler,” Jordie’s amused voice brings him out of his thought.

Tyler looks at him and can’t help laughing. “Dude, I think there’s jizz in your beard.”

“He won’t wash it, the pig he is,” Jamie grumps from somewhere behind them.

Jordie lazily shows him the finger. Then he looks back at Tyler. “Soooo. That was fun. We should do that again.”

Tyler thinks about Jordie’s cock down his throat and thick fingers in his hair. About Jamie’s voice telling him, “You’re doing so good, Tyler, so hot, drive us out of our minds…” About laughing when Jordie almost fell off the bed in his haste to get to Tyler’s nipples and both of them joining in.

It’s fun to be wanted like that. If Jordie and Jamie (who are clearly as close as brothers and as intimate as lovers) feel like including him occasionally, he’s not going to object.  

He returns Jordie’s weirdly intense gaze and grins. “Sure, man.”

~~~

Jordie and Jamie show him their soulmarks after Jamie comes back from the Olympics. It was a bit weird, skyping both of them separately or even on conference. He’s used to seeing them together. He can only assume they felt the same way and that’s why they’re showing him now. To confirm themselves as a unit. Proof that they belong together, as if Tyler ever doubted it.

They’re stretched out on Jamie’s bed (that’s really both of the Benns’, Tyler thinks, seeing how it’s big enough to accommodate the three of them comfortably) when the two take off their wristbands. Tyler mentally frowns. Of course they’re writing. A quote, maybe, or the first words they said to each other. The problem with soulmarks is that they might be something that will only exist in the future. He’s recently watched a television drama where the couple didn’t realize their words formed a sentence until they listened to a new Taylor Swift single. He doesn’t think it would be Taylor Swift for the Benns, though. For one, their souls would always go for something related to home, and Tyler doesn’t see Mama Benn jamming it to “I knew you were trouble”.

So the Benns have words on their wrist. For once Tyler doesn’t mind that he can’t read them. He doesn’t need to, anyway. Now that he has seen them away from the eyes of the world, it’s clear that they belong together.

He doesn’t know what the words are, but he knows what he’s supposed to say. “What, am I supposed to be surprised? You guys are good together, you don’t need to tell me that.”

The reaction isn’t what he expected. Jamie looks crushed for the fleeting second Tyler sees his face before it’s hidden in his older brother’s neck. Jordie is turning his back to Tyler and the tension in his neck feels like a physical slap to Tyler.

Maybe he wasn’t supposed to say that? But what did he say wrong? Did they not want to hear that affirmation because of the taboo around incestous soulmates? Tyler feels frantic trying to find his mistake, but he can’t come up with something. There is no way he interpreted the soulmarks wrong. They were the same colour, plain black (he’s not surprised by that in the least, by the way), and there’s just no way they aren’t in a soulbond. Okay, so he’s assumed the same as everyone else at first, just seeing a very close brotherly bond, but. Now that they’ve opened up around Tyler, he can see it everywhere, how perfect they are. They are reports of soulbonds gone wrong, of destiny choosing the wrong person, but Tyler thinks that not even destiny could screw it up so badly as to not see how perfect these two are for each other.

So why is he looking at Jordie’s back and Jamie’s shaking shoulders, feeling like he’s just been exiled from Eden?

~~~~

After they crush the Kings, the whole team is out celebrating. Tyler is in the middle of matching Jägermeister shot for shot with Kari (he’s learned the hard way not to choose Tequila, and he doesn’t trust a Finn with vodka) when his phone vibrates in his pocket.

He pulls it out and is greeted by the huge green icon he’s learned to associate with text messages. He mentally shrugs as he pockets it - nothing he can do about that right now, it’s way too crowded to use text-to-voice, and anyway, haven’t people learned by now not to text him? Whoever it is will just have to wait.

It only an hour later that he finally makes it to the bathroom, feeling surprisingly sober for someone who has had that many drinks. With a sigh of relief he unzips his jeans. His bladder isn’t build to withstand this kind of assault. Eastern Europeans, man. They’re fucking robots.

He looks up when the door opens, grinning when he sees it’s Jamie. “Jamie, my man! The golden shot today!”

To his surprise, Jamie doesn’t look as dopily happy as the last time Tyler saw him. Instead, he looks almost… annoyed?

“Why didn’t you come?” Jamie demands.

Tyler has no idea what he means, so he takes the easy route and wiggles his eyebrows. “You should have said so, Jameson. For you, always.”

“Well, apparently not,” Jamie snaps, starting to look distinctly sulky.

Okay, this is starting to get weird. Did Tyler miss a come-hither signal earlier? He doesn’t think so. The Benns pretty much only need to waggle their pinky toe and he’s ready for sex. It’s just a fact of life. “What do you mean?”

Jamie rolls his eyes. “Come on, Tyler. I saw you read the text I sent you.”

Oh. Tyler remembers the message now. He never got back to that. Ooops.

“I mean,” Jamie exhales, “I’m not expecting you to, you know, come whenever I ask you to, or whatever, I’m not an asshole, a “no” is totally fine always. But an answer would have been nice, just so I’m not hiding out in the bathroom on my own for ten minutes like a twat. Jordie is still laughing at me, I’m pretty sure.”

“Sorry, Jamie,” Tyler says earnestly. “I mean, you know, I would have come, or at least answered, but I didn’t see your message. There was another one before that from my sister, so I just thought that was why my phone vibrated. You know I’m not good with technology.”

Jamie actually laughs at that. “Fair enough. Sorry for overreacting.”

Tyler smiles back and is about to finally tuck himself back into his jeans when he reconsiders. “So, how about we get back at Jordie?”

~~~

Jordie has at least three different subscriptions to newspapers. Jamie likes to tease him about it, calling him “old man” at least once whenever they all have breakfast together. Jordie just explains to Tyler, “I like being on top of things. There’s just so much happening and I don’t trust myself to understand it, so I like reading different viewpoints. We can’t all be dumb jocks.”

Tyler smiles. “Hey, that’s great. At least someone in the family should have brains.”

Jamie throws an boiled egg at him.

Jordie chooses to ignore that. “If you wanna try it, there’s always trial subscription. I could recommend a few to you.”

Tyler laughs and picks the egg off the floor. For someone who almost went pro in baseball, Jamie’s got shit aim in the morning. “Nah man, I prefer tv.”

Jordie just shrugs, but Tyler thinks he looks a weird mixture of proud and thoughtful when he walks in on Tyler watching news24 a few days later.

~~~

Shortly after that, Tyler gets out of the shower to find a sheet of paper with handwriting on it on his couch table. The list of suspects isn’t very long - Tyler prefers cleaning for himself, unlike the Benns, so they are the only ones who have a key to his flat. He hums to himself, intrigued, as he picks it up and puts into the lid of the scanner.

Opening the text-to-voice program has become second nature by now. He’s waiting for the robotic voice to sound out letters, but instead an error sound occurs. He tries it again, to no avail.

Tyler curses. It happens that way sometimes with things that are not handwritten. The software is getting better with every version, but apparently Jordie’s (or Jamie’s, but his money is on Jordie) handwriting is too atrocious.

Still, whatever they’ve decided to write down like this must be important. It’s on proper letter paper, too, and way too long for a grocery list or whatever. He can’t just ignore this.

“Yo, Segs, how are the Cowboys?” Brownie greets him.

Tyler grins. “Riding in the desert, as usual. How’s it going?”

“Pretty good. Got a sweet one in last night, so coach gave us today off. How about you?”

“The usual, to be honest.”

“So, fighting for the play-offs?”

“Hush! Let’s not talk about that or we’ll jinx it. Hey, can I ask you for a favour?”

“Shoot.” Tyler kind of loves Brownie for not even hesitating. His friends, man. They’re the best.

“I got this handwritten note from this dude, and I can’t make it out, the handwriting is so bad. Would you mind…?” he trails off, but apparently that was enough for Brownie to tell him to send him the scanned picture.

They’re silent for a moment while Brownie reads through the note, then he starts laughing.

“What?” Tyler asks.

“Dude, you’re fucking _Jordie_ Benn?” Brownie asks him, still laughing. “I mean, Jamie Benn, I would’ve put money on that, but Jordie?”

Oh. Seems that the note is more explicit than Tyler had guessed, then. Ooops. “Just read the note.”

“ _Dear Tyler_ ,” Brownie starts, obviously trying to imitate Jordie’s deeper voice. “ _You must know by now that we want you._ Wow, is he talking about himself in the second person, like the queen or shit? Dallas is so weird, man. _You’re beautiful, and we-_ ”

“That’s enough,” Tyler interrupts him hastily. He can’t listen to this anymore. It just feels wrong, hearing Jordie’s words from another’s mouth, even someone he’s so close to as Brownie. “It’s okay. Sorry, dude, I didn’t know it was about that kinda stuff. Please delete it.”

“Tyler,” Brownie sounds unexpectedly gentle when he speaks now, “I’m sorry for laughing. You should hear this.”

But Tyler can already feel sourness rising up in his throat. This was obviously meant to be private, Jordie entrusting his secret and that of his brother to him, and Tyler went and gave into the hands of someone else. He’s sure Brownie wouldn’t tell even if he figured it out, but nevertheless he made a promise. This is wrong. “No, just. Thanks. It’s fine.”

“If you’re sure…”

“Yes.” Tyler nods, as if Brownie could see it. “Yes, I am. So how’s your girlfriend?”

Brownie let’s him get away with the change of topic. Tyler’s friends really are the best.

~~~

Tyler tries to drag it out by throwing his laundry into the tumble dryer and doing his dishes first, even going so far as to convince himself that he absolutely can’t miss the eight o’clock news today, but eventually he has to face up to the fact that he needs to go upstairs and face Jordie. He doesn’t know what the other meant by beginning his letter like that, but he knows there is no way he’ll know what it says (and he’s tried, harder than he has in years, but the cursive writing really doesn’t help things, and Tyler just _can’t_ ) unless he talks to Jordie about it.

Usually, he feels calmer as soon as he enters the flat above his. Something about the smell, he thinks, the organized clutter, the water bowls for his dog. Today it does nothing to stop the sick feeling in his stomach.

Jamie is lying on the couch, lazily waving at Tyler, but Jordie is, rather predictably, in the kitchen. Tyler knows him well enough to know that this is where he goes when he’s nervous and can’t get it out physically.

Tyler knocks on the doorframe as he enters. “Hi, Jordie.”

“Heya, Tyler,” Jordie greets him, but Tyler can see his how his gaze immediately falls unto the piece of paper in Tyler’s hands.

“Uh, about that,” Tyler starts. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t read it, the handwriting is just… yeah. Could barely make out if it’s from you, so. Sorry.”

Jordie just stares at him. Tyler can’t read the expression on his face at all, and it only makes him more nervous. Lately, there have been too many moments where he just couldn’t make out those two at all.

“Jamie,” Jordie calls out without looking away from him. Tyler can hear Jamie get up, for once without complaining, and shifted slightly further into the room to make room for his captain.

Now they’re standing in kitchen, all three of them, Jamie and Jordie doing their silent communication/mindsharing thing, and Tyler doesn’t really know what’s going on.

Then Jordie takes a careful step closer to him and takes the letter from him. Looking down, he said, “So you can’t read my handwriting.”

Tyler shakes his head slowly, still weirded out by the atmosphere. That is the problem here? Jordie’s presumably awful handwriting? Not the fact that Jordie basically wrote him a love letter that Tyler has no idea how to deal with?

Suddenly he has an awful thought. What if he interpreted it all wrong? What if Jordie started the letter with praise in order to sweeten the blow that they’re no longer interested in him, and now it’s awkward because they have no idea how to tell him he’s not welcome in their bed anymore? Tyler clenches his fists and reminds himself that Brownie would have told him, wouldn’t have laughed at something like that, but it doesn’t really assuage the doubt.

He’s not at all prepared for Jamie’s quiet voice saying, “Tyler, Jordie’s handwriting is about the prettiest you will ever see. He’s spent ages as a kid practicing so he could write like a prince.”

Jordie nods. “I’ve always been chosen as the one writing on the flipchart in group projects because I have the most legible handwriting.”

Tyler feels the blood draining from his face. Maybe if he’ll faint, this conversation will end here and they will never mention again. He’s desperately trying to find a way out - “Well, sorry, man, but maybe they were just polite,” but he sounds hollow to his own ears.

Jordie ignores him, anyway, just asks, “Tyler - can you read?”

Tyler starts panicking. There is no other word for it, really - he can feel his breathing speed up, quicker and quicker, until there’s just big heaves of air, but it’s like it’s happening to someone else’s body. All his focus is suddenly on staying still, not swaying like the earth around him, because they found out, and this is different from Brownie, this is team, these are the two most important people in his life finding out he’s unable to even understand that they’re breaking up with him because he lied to them for so long, and oh, he’ll never be welcome here anymore, how will he gone on-

“-yler? Tyler! For fuck’s sake, Jordie!”

Tyler is distantly aware of Jamie’s voice close to him, swearing, of Jordie holding his hand and telling him to breathe, Jamie’s hands resting on his shoulders, and their touch helps ground him until he can concentrate on breathing, in, out, in, out, trying to block out his own thoughts for a minute.

Finally, he becomes aware enough to hear Jordie murmuring, “I’m so sorry Tyler, it’s okay, really, it’s kind of a good thing, don’t worry, we don’t mind, I’m so sorry, I should have done this better, Tyler, are you breathing-”

“Yeah,” Tyler manages to croak out, and is rewarded by a relieved smile.

“I’m sorry,” Jordie says again, firmer this time.

Tyler just nods. Of course Jordie would be sorry even when he’s about to cut Tyler out of their lives - wait. His brain is still playing catch-up. “A kind of good thing?”

Jordie nods, opens his mouth to answer, but he’s interrupted by Jamie. “Sitting down first.” He’s tightening his hands on Tyler’s shoulders, gently maneuvering him backwards towards the couch.

Tyler is glad to sit down. The ground still feels shaky underneath him. He’s expecting them to sit down right and left from him, which they do. What he isn’t expecting is Jamie gently, but inexorably pulling Tyler back towards him until he’s resting against his chest, arranging him until Tyler is curled up in his arms. Jordie settles in opposite him, legs curled in so they’re touching, and he’s holding Tyler’s hand again.

In the back of his mind, Tyler is feeling a faint amusement at the fact that they positioned themselves according to their strengths - Jamie’s physical caring and protectiveness, with Jordie doing the talking. Mostly, he’s just glad to be here, and kind of empty cause this thing is out there now.

Jordie takes a deep breath and starts talking. “Let me start by apologizing again. That wasn’t the best way to ask you.”

Tyler manages to summon a crooked smile up at that, now that it looks like they’re not going to abandon him. “I’m not sure there is a good way, really.” He hesitates for a second, but figures it might as well be out there for real, now. “The answer is no, by the way. In case you haven’t guessed.”

Jordie nods, but he still looks tense. “Okay. Look, I am super sorry that I’m putting you through this. We googled it a bit, when we started to notice things, and it didn’t sound like it’s easy to live with.”

“It’s okay.” Tyler wants to shrug, but Jamie’s arms are tight around him and he doesn’t want to dislodge them. “I’ve learned to deal, but your handwriting genuinely is too much for my text-to-voice program, man.”

Jamie chuckles at that. Jordie just grimaces. “Good to know.” Then he hastens to explain, “That wasn’t a trap, by the way. I meant what I wrote there. We just - wanted to put it out there, and we thought, either way, we’d know.”

Tyler frowns. “Know what?”

Jordie doesn’t answer directly. “We think you’re our soulmate.”

“What?” Tyler feels himself starting to tense again. This is going in a whole new direction now. “I mean, obviously I don’t know what your wrists say, but you guys are so clearly bonded…”

Jordie actually looks a bit pleased at that, but he says, “Our soulmarks do belong together, Tyler, but we’re not bonded. That’s just knowing each other really well, I guess.”

“That’s a bit creepy, to be honest.”

Jamie chuckles. This time, it sounds sad. “Tell us about it.”

There’s a moment of silence, then Tyler gets his thoughts in order enough to ask, “Wait, how can you have corresponding soulmarks, accept the relationship and still not be bonded?” There are suppressants for a bond, of course, and lots of tales of people who rejected the relationship with their soulmark-correspondent in the first place, but Tyler doesn’t think this is the case here. They’d never forego the advantage it would give their hockey, for one.

Jordie starts taking off his wristband. It’s a bit pointless, seeing how Tyler can’t read it, but he still finds himself fascinated by that private strip of skin. Very few people decide to literally wear their heart on their sleeves. Then Jordie explains, looking down at the writing on his skin, “It’s incomplete.”

Jamie is whispering when he says, “ _Flesh and blood need_ …” His wristband is still on, but he clearly knows the words from heart.

“... _flesh and blood but_ …” Jordie picks up. “It’s a quote from a Johnny Cash song our mom used to listen to when we were kids. It’s supposed to end _you’re the one I need_ , but. Obviously there’s something missing.”

Tyler can feel his heartbeat picking up as he starts to understand what they’re saying. He knows that song, too, his dad is a huge Johnny Cash fan. Bonds involving multiple people are rare, or maybe just underreported because they’re so unacceptable in society, but - if they’re saying what he thinks they’re saying - “You think I’m the missing piece?”

Jordie is looking at him again. “We love you, Tyler. We can’t imagine anyone else ever fitting.”

Tyler swallows. To his surprise, he can actually feel his eyes burn, a combination of exhaustion and happiness rising up in him. His voice is rough when he says, “I- same here, as you know.”

To his surprise, he can feel Jamie relax considerably behind him even as a kiss is pressed gently to his neck, and Jordie smiles brilliantly at that, his hand sliding more comfortably into Tyler’s now. He hadn’t even realized they had been so tense. Maybe he’s just become so used to it? Now that he thinks about it, they have been a bit off around him ever since they showed him their soulmarks. Which, uh, makes a lot of sense now.

“You must have been hoping - I’m sorry,” Tyler thinks out loud as realization hits, “I didn’t realize.”

Jordie just shakes his head, still smiling. “You don’t owe us anything, Tyler.”

“Bullshit.” Tyler takes a deep breath. The burning behind his eyes is still there, as is a budding headache, but he feels calmer, more centered than he has in weeks. They love him. God. That is going to take some time to get used to, but Tyler can feel the thought settle inside him already. He exhales, slow again, then says, “I don’t know what my soulmark says. No one has been able to read it.”

He starts to move his hand out of Jordie’s grip to remove his own wristband, show them what he means since he doesn’t know how to explain it himself, but Jordie gently stops him. “Can I?”

Tyler nods, heart in his throat as the band is slipped off his wrist. For a moment, all three of them look at the symbols on his wrist in silence.

Unexpectedly, Jamie says, “Wait, I’ve seen that before.”

Tyler half turns his head. From this angle, he can at least see line of Jamie’s jaw, read the excitement in his cheeks. “You have?” He knows he sounds incredulous, but he can’t help it.

Jamie nods, careful not to bump into Tyler. “Yeah! We were researching reasons why someone might not be able to read, like, we just wanted to see if it’s just our imagination or whatever.” He waits for a second, probably to see if Tyler will take exception to this, then continues, “and there was this image from an artist, like, he tried to recreate [what writing looks like to someone with severe dyslexia](http://www.weltderwunder.de/fileadmin/user_upload/Artikel/00_Wissen/MENSCH/Legasthenie_Daniel_Britton/1_Legasthenie_Daniel-Britton.jpg). I mean, this is handwriting, so it’s even worse - I was at least able to guess some of the letters there, but. You know. It’s super similar.”

“That would make sense,” Jordie says slowly, “if that’s what you have. No one else can read it, obviously, because it makes reading so difficult. As you well know. And you can’t read it, because your brain is processing this the same way once over, making it impossible to understand.”

There’s a moment of silence, then Tyler says, “I figured it’s something with my brain. I mean, you know, no one said anything or told me dyslexia exists, but I was hoping there was more of an explanation than just me being… stupid, I guess.”

“You’re not stupid,” Jamie says immediately, fiercely enough it makes Tyler’s heart ache a little.

“Even if you weren’t dyslexic or whatever, there are so many more ways a person can be smart and worth so much without any fucking ability to read,” Jordie adds. “Also, I’ve read up on it too, and it said that depending on the severity, early recognition and targeted help in early childhood can help, but especially with that kind of severity Jamie was talking about, there’s nothing that can make it go away.”

“You don’t need a cure, Tyler,” Jamie takes over again, and see, this kind of shit is why Tyler thought they were bonded already, “you’re just fine. And definitely not stupid, holy fuck, that’s my role here.”

Well, that kind of stuff really isn’t helping Tyler not to cry.

Jordie is looking at Tyler’s wrist again, a thoughtful expression on his face. “It could be five words,” he says. “You know, we’ve always wondered if it would say _we_ instead of _I_ , since it’s obviously meant for three people… and this looks like it could be two letters….”

“But we don’t know.” Tyler can’t get away from that. It feels good to know why his soulmark is so fucking weird, and he suspects it will feel even better to stop hiding stuff from the Benns, not to mention the whole, you know, love stuff, but it’s still a fact that right now, there is no sure way of knowing what Tyler’s wrist says.

Jordie just shrugs. “Doesn’t really matter.”

“What do you want me to do?” Tyler asks.

Jordie smiles, but it’s Jamie who answers first: “Stay.”

“We want you, not just sometimes or for sex or for hockey, although both of that is really hot,” Jordie elaborates, “we want you for always, to trust us and be with us and. Just. Yeah.”

And yeah. That sounds like something Tyler can do.

~~~

They’ve noticed before that the press (and by extension, the PR department) really likes to push the “Jamie Benn and Tyler Seguin found each other” angle. Sometimes Tyler worries that it will make Jordie feel excluded, but Jamie just scrunches his face and says “Nah, he hates giving interviews as much as I do, for all that he’s more smooth. Believe me, that cancels everything else out.” Tyler winks at him and tells him, “Leave all the talking to me, babe,” and that’s that.

Still, it means there are a lot of press occasions that have Jamie and Tyler present a united front, today being one of them. They’re supposed to interview each other.

“It’s not supposed to be difficult or anything,” the producer tells them, “just, you know casual questions. Here’s a list.”

They both take it from her. Tyler’s got a lot of practice with this kind of stuff - he’s just pretend to read and then let Jamie go ahead with asking the questions, citing his captain’s nervousness as the reason.

But Jamie is frowning down at the sheet of paper. “So we’re starting with the questions about hobbies and then if he’s in a relationship?”

It’s a bit weird, because he usually just takes whatever he’s given and tries not to sound like the third edition of Canadian Hockey Robot™. The producer obviously takes it as a rhetorical question since she’s not bothering to answer.

Then Jamie goes, “But why am I asking about horses next, even before the _who’s your favourite athlete_ bit?” and the coin drops.

He’s fucking trying to tell Tyler the questions. Oh God, he’s just so awkward, but Tyler still kind of wants to kiss him on the cheeks for trying. He’ll also have to explain his usual coping methods to him, because the producer looks like she’s ready to kill him for sounding like a whiny baby. Ooops.  

~~~

Their breakfast routine changes a bit. Tyler is feeling comfortable enough admitting problems around them by now that when he sees Jordie grinning down at his kindle, it feels natural to demand: “Share with the class.”

And Jordie just says, “It’s an article about Donald Trump and whether he’ll be a presidential candidate next year. The journo really doesn’t like him. Want to hear?”

Tyler nods and listens as Jordie reads the article out loud, occasionally interrupted by his own commentary. It becomes kind of a habit, after that.

Jamie just keeps on rhythmically pushing eggs and chicken into his mouth, but then he’s never been a morning person.

~~~

Tyler is in the weight room, trying to get rid of some of the tension that comes with the night before the first playoff game, when his phone buzzes. He finishes his set, then he pulls it out. His screen greets him with the bright blue symbol that means he has a new voicemail message.

He can guess who it’s from - Jamie was almost vibrating with excitement today, a good kind of intensity that Tyler has learned promises good things.

He smiles, and thumbs “Listen”.

~~~

Maybe, seeing how it all went down, it’s not all that surprising that the first sign that their soulbond is settling is an overwhelming sense of horror, barely tinged with amusement, that hits Tyler out of nowhere in the off-season a year later. He’s visiting his family after attending Worlds and is due to return to Dallas, where the Benns already are, in two days.

He’s just shooting shit on tv with his sisters, though, there is no reason for that feeling. It doesn’t really feel like it’s his, anyway. He can’t really explain it - it’s like a thin glass wall separates his own emotions from the one that just so rudely intruded. So he excuses himself to the bathroom.

Remembering what he’s read about this, he concentrates on the image of his lovers, and suddenly it becomes clearer. There’s only faint embarrassment from Jamie, the horror is all Jordie’s.

_Guys?_ Tyler thinks, screwing his eyes closed in concentration.

Jamie’s embarrassment is immediately drowned in his joy. _Tyler! I can hear you!_

Jordie’s feelings however remain the same, with maybe a faint tinge of sadness. Tyler is starting to get worried, here. _Jordie? Everything alright?_

Jordie’s voice, clear as a bell in Tyler’s head, the sign that they’ve made it, that it’s them against the world from now on (as if it hadn’t been before, ever since Tyler walked in on their secret) - Jordie’s voice just whines, _Now we’ll forever remember that our bond set in because Jamie basically announced to the world and twitter that he doesn’t like to “bunch mox”._

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, Tyler’s soulmark came in the day after Jamie was drafted, because as we now know that’s what basically determined Jamie’s future career would be hockey and not baseball. 
> 
> All excuses and coping methods Tyler uses here come from real experiences. I’ve left out the “I’ve forgot my reading glasses” one despite it being very common because I’m pretty sure Tyler’s eyesight is on file somewhere and everyone in the organization would be able to call bullshit. (Btw is perfect vision, like, a requirement for being a pro hockey players or is everyone just wearing contacts?) 
> 
> I very much recommend “Storytellers [live]” by Johnny Cash and Willie Nelson if you like listening to two grumpy old men/country legends and their guitars. Title is from another song from that recording, “Always on my mind”. 
> 
> Comments and concrit are always appreciated.


End file.
